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Hurting Comics for Week of October 31
Nov. 6th, 2005 03:06 pmHerorealm.com is still stampeding servers, so here's this past week's "I'm Hurting Comics":
It's "I Drew a Pony!" week here at the Hurting Comics Ranch.
Pony is about making comics and about loving making comics, even in the face of demons like money worry, or career worry. "I Drew a Pony!" came about via my LiveJournal, where it was suggested I write about making comics the "Lea way!" I thought about what was my way:
"I HAAATE YOU COMICS! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN-EN-ENN! *sob*"
"Oh, lookie, I drew a horsie!"
I have public and private bouts of squalor and joy. It goes something like the following:
Step 1:
Scenario 1. I read a message board. Someone has said something nasty about me or my work. I hate (the) comics (business) because stupid stupid mean people use their Internet access to be abusive boobs. I am sad.
Scenario 2. Someone asks people to name their favorite comics with the words "cathedral" and "child" in the title. None of my books named "Cathedral Child" are mentioned. I am sad.
Scenario 3. Against all common sense, when I am feeling crappy about my game of "Food or house payment?", I read the blog of someone who is having a good year. I feel like a failure for not being asked to be first ninja assassin beauty queen to be the official cartoonist of the China space program. They are amazing and wonderful and everyone loves them and therefore hates me and I am fat and stupid and have no taste in footwear. I suck. I am sad.
Step 2.
Scenario 1. Take luxurious dead-man's float around Pity Pool. Refuse to leave for adult swim time. Insist I be allowed to have worms to eat delivered to pool. Shout "You can't make me!" to best friend Lisa who stands on the side with a towel, telling me I have to come out now I am pruney.
Scenario 2. Call Lisa and snivel until she snaps my ass with the towel she was holding for me.
Scenario 3. Spiral into "I suck" tailspin of self-loathing, self-abuse, and hating world.
Step 3.
I ask myself what would make me feel better. Seriously. "What would make me feel better?" Just like that.
I decide to clean up something in the house, then draw something, because "drawing" is always the answer after "The dishes are stinking up the house, and a little boy said he could smell cat poop right after the little crapweasel said 'Trick or Treat', and is carpet really supposed to feel like a sandy beach? Probably not."
Step 4.
I scoop cat boxes, or clean rat cages, or sweep my studio, or do dishes. It's physical, it gets happy chemicals coursing through the bod. More than that, I don't have the setup to surf the web and do chores, so it gets me away from the fuel for my fretting. There's no reason to combine phosphor angst with cat shit, other than for that joke.
Something's clean. I have broken the cycle of the refresh button, the compulsive email check, and accomplished something tangible.
Step 5.
I draw something, anything, using whatever media suits me. I knock out a pinup, or finish a skull-covered egg, or do layouts, or paint something in Open Canvas.
Anything to break that awful cycle of "I hate comics, I hate him, I hate her, I hate me," because what the loathing, self-pity and anger are really about is those nasty "Why bother? What's the use?" roachy voices in your head helping you prove that you suck.
When you make something, they die; awful, satisfying deaths, but they fight the whole way.
Here's some of my favorite books for swatting those roaches:
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, by Steven Pressfield. You might get tired of his golf stories, but there's something compelling about a guy who pulled himself up from living in a van full of garbage. The first thing he did was clean up. The second was writing.
If You Want to Write : A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit, by Brenda Ueland. Especially good for women creators, especially this chapter: "Why Women Who Do Too Much Housework Should Neglect It for Their Writing." (Remember, I said, clean something, not keep a psychotic palace.)
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron. This is a twelve-week program to get you going again when you lose your groove. Mine was seriously lost when I did the book in 1996. What I learned was that I could follow, for no reward other than the doing, a twelve-week course of study, and that I would own that accomplishment for the rest of my life. It's no coincidence that in 1997, I finally placed "Cathedral Child", my first graphic novel, with Image Comics.
The Game of Life and How to Play It, Your Word is Your Wand, The Secret Door to Success, by Florence Scovel Shinn. Shinn, a real do-it-yourselfer, self-published her first book, "The Game of Life" in 1925. Shinn's metaphysical writing might be described as "inspirational." It might also be described as "woo-woo," but I really love these books. They cheer me up. Best of all for the cartoonist of modest means (and most are), they're available as e-texts.
Step 6. Put that keyboard down and back away, just baaaaack away.
The computer is your best friend for research and news, and your worst enemy when it comes to self-esteem and mental stability. There's a reason why Alex's " How to be a Happy Nerd" is my Holy Writ.
I'm hurting comics by drawing and writing today. What are you doing?
It's "I Drew a Pony!" week here at the Hurting Comics Ranch.
Pony is about making comics and about loving making comics, even in the face of demons like money worry, or career worry. "I Drew a Pony!" came about via my LiveJournal, where it was suggested I write about making comics the "Lea way!" I thought about what was my way:
"I HAAATE YOU COMICS! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN-EN-ENN! *sob*"
"Oh, lookie, I drew a horsie!"
I have public and private bouts of squalor and joy. It goes something like the following:
Step 1:
Scenario 1. I read a message board. Someone has said something nasty about me or my work. I hate (the) comics (business) because stupid stupid mean people use their Internet access to be abusive boobs. I am sad.
Scenario 2. Someone asks people to name their favorite comics with the words "cathedral" and "child" in the title. None of my books named "Cathedral Child" are mentioned. I am sad.
Scenario 3. Against all common sense, when I am feeling crappy about my game of "Food or house payment?", I read the blog of someone who is having a good year. I feel like a failure for not being asked to be first ninja assassin beauty queen to be the official cartoonist of the China space program. They are amazing and wonderful and everyone loves them and therefore hates me and I am fat and stupid and have no taste in footwear. I suck. I am sad.
Step 2.
Scenario 1. Take luxurious dead-man's float around Pity Pool. Refuse to leave for adult swim time. Insist I be allowed to have worms to eat delivered to pool. Shout "You can't make me!" to best friend Lisa who stands on the side with a towel, telling me I have to come out now I am pruney.
Scenario 2. Call Lisa and snivel until she snaps my ass with the towel she was holding for me.
Scenario 3. Spiral into "I suck" tailspin of self-loathing, self-abuse, and hating world.
Step 3.
I ask myself what would make me feel better. Seriously. "What would make me feel better?" Just like that.
I decide to clean up something in the house, then draw something, because "drawing" is always the answer after "The dishes are stinking up the house, and a little boy said he could smell cat poop right after the little crapweasel said 'Trick or Treat', and is carpet really supposed to feel like a sandy beach? Probably not."
Step 4.
I scoop cat boxes, or clean rat cages, or sweep my studio, or do dishes. It's physical, it gets happy chemicals coursing through the bod. More than that, I don't have the setup to surf the web and do chores, so it gets me away from the fuel for my fretting. There's no reason to combine phosphor angst with cat shit, other than for that joke.
Something's clean. I have broken the cycle of the refresh button, the compulsive email check, and accomplished something tangible.
Step 5.
I draw something, anything, using whatever media suits me. I knock out a pinup, or finish a skull-covered egg, or do layouts, or paint something in Open Canvas.
Anything to break that awful cycle of "I hate comics, I hate him, I hate her, I hate me," because what the loathing, self-pity and anger are really about is those nasty "Why bother? What's the use?" roachy voices in your head helping you prove that you suck.
When you make something, they die; awful, satisfying deaths, but they fight the whole way.
Here's some of my favorite books for swatting those roaches:
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, by Steven Pressfield. You might get tired of his golf stories, but there's something compelling about a guy who pulled himself up from living in a van full of garbage. The first thing he did was clean up. The second was writing.
If You Want to Write : A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit, by Brenda Ueland. Especially good for women creators, especially this chapter: "Why Women Who Do Too Much Housework Should Neglect It for Their Writing." (Remember, I said, clean something, not keep a psychotic palace.)
The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron. This is a twelve-week program to get you going again when you lose your groove. Mine was seriously lost when I did the book in 1996. What I learned was that I could follow, for no reward other than the doing, a twelve-week course of study, and that I would own that accomplishment for the rest of my life. It's no coincidence that in 1997, I finally placed "Cathedral Child", my first graphic novel, with Image Comics.
The Game of Life and How to Play It, Your Word is Your Wand, The Secret Door to Success, by Florence Scovel Shinn. Shinn, a real do-it-yourselfer, self-published her first book, "The Game of Life" in 1925. Shinn's metaphysical writing might be described as "inspirational." It might also be described as "woo-woo," but I really love these books. They cheer me up. Best of all for the cartoonist of modest means (and most are), they're available as e-texts.
Step 6. Put that keyboard down and back away, just baaaaack away.
The computer is your best friend for research and news, and your worst enemy when it comes to self-esteem and mental stability. There's a reason why Alex's " How to be a Happy Nerd" is my Holy Writ.
I'm hurting comics by drawing and writing today. What are you doing?
