AUTISM: Taste the Rainbow of Bullshit

You know about the Autism Rainbow? I hate the stupid rainbow. I'm not too crazy about the puzzle piece ribbon, either.
Behold it in its purest tacky form:



Have a magnet! Have a ribbon! You caaaaaaare! A teeny tiny part of the price you pay will go to an organization of people who believe in shit as crazy as flat-earthers.

If ribbons really helped, I'd dress like this all day, everywhere.



I happen to know that this costume requires thirty YARDS of ribbon. That's NINETY feet. One-THOUSAND EIGHTY inches. Three HUNDRED SIXTY "I CAAAAAAAARE" ribbons. I'd wear 'em all as a hat. I will never have to wear that hat.

I make fun of the rainbow because the biggest band is the "we dunno" band. That's some serious chickenshit fudge there. It's a twee, childish thing pulled on panicking parents. It's supposedly a handy visualization for helping people understand different kinds of autism.

A far better visual is a barrel of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans shot into a crowd with a cannon.



It's BETTER. They go EVERYWHERE.
Every person in that crowd will keep finding them, one by one, for the rest of their lives, like a five-pound spill of glitter.
Every bean is different except when they're not!
You never know what you're going to get!
Some flavors are gross, some  delightful, some weird,  some inexplicable, and the color is no clue whatsoever. 

(You're just going to have to bite us, haha!)