Plumbing Guru

Our friend John came in on Friday to fix the guts of our house. John is a plumber. John also does Anime Radio, makes repro parts for WWII re-enactor's uniforms, and dresses up as a less-than-dedicated German officer for weekend entertainment. (And he's HOT in uniform, and I don't mean he's uncomfortable, except that maybe now he is.)

Our house's plumbing, not good when we moved in, had degenerated to the point of hilarity: we were down to one slow toilet that would back up at random, and a leaking shower. John came in and went after our tub first: we'd discovered some time ago that a piece of the drain had been cut or had fallen out and that's why the sitting room would have puddles in in after the tub on the other side of the wall was drained. John fished out a small glass perfume bottle, but that was only the beginning. The foundation had settled, breaking the pipe way, way down. John eventually got the tub in working order again with a small jackhammer, lots of fittings, and some world-class swears.
The wall is still open, on the off chance new leaks might develop.

Then to the never-worked potty. I'll say with pride that the flange I installed was, according to John, first-class. The toilet was a mess. I'd cracked the tank installing it. It was not seated correctly. Up it came.

Next was the "I never liked it and I'm glad to take a hammer to it" vanity. When we moved in the formica top had a bad cigarette burn on it. It took up space. It was a crap-catcher. John disconnected the hoses under and yanked up the sink and counter, and I went at the box with fanactical zeal.

We also pulled off the ruined and smelly paneling and baseboards.

While Girl and I ran errands, King and John went under the kitchen sink. We'd brought a new spigot, but knew (thanks to the toilet), replacing it was beyond our scope. The old one, a Glacier Bay (a fine chrome over plastic pieceashit), had been leaking into the cabinet, and the floow of same was rotted out. When Kind pulled it up, he discovered it was the SECOND floor the cabinet had had. We know his because we're SURE a cabinet maker would not use paneling for a cabinet floor.

The discovery in the master bath was that the toilet pipe had never been installed correctly. John figures it actually missed the mark and was hammered over to get it close, hence the slow fluch.

From Friday afternoon to Saturday evening, John, King and I (but mainly John), repaired, rebuilt, or replaced the following:

Tub drain pipe. (rebuilt)
Toilet. (replaced messed-up one)
Toilet. (replaced one installed in 1969)
New Pedestal sink. (replaced hated cabinet vanity, rebuilt lines to same)
Kitchen faucet (replaced crap-ass old one, rebuilt lines to same)
Looked at leaking shower, determined leak problem and made recc for fixing

Pretty much anything water-related in the house was fixed. It was like Monster House! I know why the Monster House recipients have to live off-site while their house is being tricked out: because fixing shit in a house is like surgery: MESSY. The MH families would be horrified. Our house was a total effing mess after. King cleaned it up while I took the kids swimming.

At the end though, the pleasure of going in a toilet which flushed and didn't wobble was priceless. I can't wait to break in the tub--it'll be my first at-home bath in three years.

And so is a friend who will help make that happen. Especially one who's willing to be thought of every time I go to sit in the little square office.

THANKS, JOHN!